Friday, January 2, 2009

The longest call of Someone's Life !

This is dedicated to the poor "salesman" from ABN-Amro Bank, who tried to sell my dad a medical insurance scheme,over phone, via an STD call from Bangalore, which apparently took care of all his family members' thyroid related illnesses, if any were to arise. It's not coz of the pity that I'm typing this down ( I'm known to be merciless, unless I make an exception), but due to a similar painful feeling endured over last summer..

Key :

Salesman from ABN : S
My Dad : M

Salesman's manager : C

S calls up at 1 in the afti on one fine day. My dad aint at home and I pick up only to tell him about it. I ask him to call back after half-hour when he was expected back home, and surprisingly, he follows it up diligently. Once again, to his disappointment, M aint there and I ask him to call up at 2:30pm..which he does again, and to his relief, M is available at home. I know I have a firecracker in hand when I see one, and I felt this was going to be another as here was a salesman, willing to make STD calls to get hold of a client and knowing my father, who knew such stuff due to his professional experience, I thought the man was going to have a tough debut ( as was to be known later in the dialogue that followed, that my dad's no. was the first in his list of assigned work !)...

Here's what transpired :

S : Good afternoon, Mr. M.

M : Good afternoon, yes.

S: Sir, I'm calling from..blah..blah..We're pleased to inform you that you are being offered an excellent insurance scheme called "Thyrocare" from our bank as we value you as our customer..blah,blah ( he goes on without even allowing M to speak a word until he was stopped by..)

M : One sec, one sec..could you repeat the name of the scheme again ?

S : Er..sir, (a sound of flipping through pages :P)..Thyrocare !

M : Ah, ok..and who's offering this scheme ?

S : ABN Amro bank sir..

M : No, No..I meant who's insurance scheme is ABN offering ?

S : Er..It's Reliance Health sir..

M : Well, what all benefits are my family entitled to..if I'm not mistaken, you said my family can enjoy the benefits too as well..

S : No, sir..I never said that Sir..

M : oh no, you did..

S : ( flips through pages again..) Oh yes sir..I'm sorry, even your family can enjoy the benefits..

M : Ah, ok and if I have to blah, blah.. ( he started with one of the many permutations and combinations he could come up with..)

S : Yes sir..yes sir..I guess yes sir..No sir, not that way..( and a series of similar dialogues with just the set of words being interchanged as per his increment in confusion levels due to the level of complexities my father drew him into.. I'm pretty sure he wouldnt have expected such a Chakravyuh in his first prospective-client-call itself..surely must have cursed his boss, and in all likelihood M as well :P )

M : Um, well..your benefits in a quantitative fashion seem ok, but can you elucidate on the actual tests that will take place..you mentioned 57 tests and I'm pretty sure, so many tests can't take place in a day..and I thought there were just 6-7 tests..

S : Sir, these 57 tests are actually sub-units of the major tests..

M : And what are these major tests, may I know ?

S : ( bulbs maajarly)..erm, er..I'll just get my manager on line.. I think he can help you out on this as I'm not too sure Sir...

< and the whole set of conversation above itself was 30 min deep..

M : Ok, please do so...

C : How may I help you, Sir ?

M : I was told of this scheme caled ..blah, blah..I want to knwo about teh exact tests which are conducted ?

C : blahblah, blah..blahblah...( and M's listening to all the gibberish he's telling over the line..btw, I had asked M to continue the convo in loudspeaker mode..so that I could have my share of sadistic fun :P )

M : Fine, but you seem to offer just 2-3 tests actually which are of use to me..what about the following ? blahblah..blahblah ( I never knew M knew so much about med stuff ! )

C : ( bulbs for a while )..er, actually they total upto about 57 sir..

M : agreed, but what about the rest I asked for ?...

C : urm, let me check up about them sir.. ( and conveniently escapes from the scene :P )

M : Ok, please make it faster..

S : Urm sir, so will you take up the insurance then..
M : Well, get back to me with set of tests first, please..

S : Erm, yes sir.. ( prays for his manager to come back with the vital data..)

..C has escaped completely from the scene..and S tries to fake some stuff..

S : Sir, these are the final list of tests on offer..blahblah..

M : Ok, that seems fair enough to me..

S : So will you take up the insurance sir..I've the papers ready right now, and canI have your address please ? ( he was evidently ion a hury to close this deal..already 40 min were up, and he was getting nervous from his tone)

M : Oh come on, how can I say yes so easily..I'll have to consult my family about this..gimme 2 days time, I think we can talk then..

S : but sir, you know the details well right ?

M : why dont you email me the details coz I feel, even my family members should not know the details..and written data would be better than hearsay right ?..plz mail me on..

S : but si, why dont you accept this..I'll mail you soon..

M : Please dont hurry up Mr. S..as I told you erlier, I need time.. I cant make a decision just from 1 call..

S : ( Puts up a very senti speech on how this was his first call, and how much he hoped to clinch this deal..for his mercy, I wont print the details..it's anothe fact that I dont exctly rem the words except the theme of his speech :P )

M : ( starts of on a profit-and-loss part of the scheme in which if his family members dont use one part of his, he would be losing Rs. X k of money, and so on and so forth..)

S : Sir, but this is a very good scheme sir, and for your benefit that we are offering..

M : Look Mr. S, it's related to my health and I cant take a decision so soon..please mail me the details, we shall talk later...

S : But Sir, why cant you just say yes, when you are convinced about it ? ( his tone was getting a bit impatient her, and I'm pretty sure, had M been in front of him, he would have bashed him up with his chair ! )

M : I cant. am sorry..not now, at least..

S : Sir, never has anyone asked me so many questions as well sir.. I thought you were going to say yes ( obviously trying to repair the damage inflicted by his first set of words.:P )

M : As a client, I'm supposed to ask questions and you're supposed to answer them..Please dont think this job of yours is easy..this is a part and parcel of the process..you should allow us our rightful time..

S : ok, sir.I shall call you day-after-tomorrow then..( sounding impatient to cut a call effot gone in vain)

M : and the e-mail ?

S : I shall do that also Sir..

M : thank you for your information, Mr. S..

S cuts the call abruptly.. M gives me the triumphant smile that one would give after a lawyer has won a case ! This whole talk lasted about 50 min !! that too on STD :P

No e-mail was received by M from S nor did S call back after 48hrs..that was the last of him..at least I hope so :)

3 comments:

statix said...

Your blog is rightly titled: "Acti VETTIs of the ...." and your post proves the point once again: You are good at documentation. :) | nice post

I'm a gravy hanger !! said...

I think I'll pain jimmy with a post then for the docu work he gave me :) but then, i wouldnt wanna lose a source of my treats :P

And blogging, is by virtue a vetti activity wonly :P

Jean said...

Rofl!

Poor Poor Mr.S!