A.I.R. An Insipid Ranting

This post is dedicated to...none, after all I haven't achieved anything so great that can be deemed worth dedicating to someone, unless you can count my PJs into consideration which are fit enough, according to me, for global domination. Didn't get it huh ? Well, the PJs will drive the people mad and hopefully, I'll let them loose when Mars is habitable enough and people also have enough money to travel to Mars. Due to this 'proper' timing, these 'mad' people will run off to Mars and Earth will be left to my mercy and hence, Global Domination.

Now, enough of my PJs ( I agree, too much of something good can also drive people insane). This post is an attempt to explain subtly some of the common acronyms used in our everyday life. Hope you find it entertaining enough. Even if you don't, please do comment; not because you'll most probably feature in my next post, but I'll at least know how jobless you could have been reading other useless blogs.

The order need not be alphabetically correct, but how these names pop-up as soon as I think of them :

1. A.I.R. --> Commonly known to people as All India Radio or All India Rank (for those nervous students awaiting their entrance results). My full-form will read as .... Apple's Intellibulos Result. Usage : " Macbook A.I.R. is the thinnest laptop in the world". I am simply short of words for describing AIR, it's truly le-gen-dary.

2. J.E.E. --> Joint Effort Examination (well, I dont take credits for these but one of the best profs to have taught me). Now, junta dont think that I'm getting too much into the exam mood, but it's results time everywhere now and hence, the words coming in my mind.

3. I.P.L. --> Indian Publicity Lounge..I guess this could sum-up a part of the recently concluded IPL, apart from the entertainment it provided and mirch-masala as well (Remember Charu Sharma and Mallya ?? ). Thus, providing publicity for a good one month. Thanks to it, even my 8 year old neighbour now knows about DLF.

4. B.I.T.S. --> Well, in normal parlance, it would refer to a reputed technical institute situated in a desert. Here, it means, "Bhai, Isey Tera Samajh"--used when it's time to pay the bill and you point it towards your 'friend'. No hard feelings meant here, but generally wanted to 'deng' BITS.

5. B.C.C.I. --> I'm not referring to our money-making Board of Corrupt Controls in India, but to these :- Booze,Cigar(ettes),Cocaine,more IITS --> the four things I feel we can do without on the path of progress. Well, the first three are easily understood. The last part refers to the intake of students from the recently concluded IIT-JEE into 3 new institutes. The sorry part is that they do not have sufficient faculty to teach them basic subjects at these institutes. Although, a sufficient amount of work inside IITs is a self-study exercise but that doesn't mean we can do away with teachers. But unfortunately, the government doesn't seem to understand the issue (I dunno what the Education,HRD ministers are upto apart from counting their votes for the next election). This seriously gives me the urge to publicly molest those idiots with the whole world watching. Oh sorry, I won't do that...it'll garner them more sympathy votes and they'll continue making even more stupid decisions to ruin lives of innocent people.

6. N.A.S.A. --> Nagarjuna's Association of Stupid Actresses ..ref :his comments on the only actresses he would work with. To find more, read this post till the end.

7. P.C.B. --> not the printed circuit board or Pakistan Cricket Board---it's Pagal Coke Bureau. Recently inducted members include Mohd. Asif who carries his membership proof in his wallet. Can also be called Publicity Coke Bureau..this Coke I mention can be used by yourself and travel to the nearest airport/immigration point and lo ! next day your photo will be definitely found in the headlines. Make sure to smile properly in them; you see the first impression should always be good to keep it lasting long.

Now 7 is a magically powerful number and hence, I am unable to continue further. But I shall definitely keep you posted on similar and better acronyms.

And for those who were searching for the references to my comments on N.A.S.A., let me put it in clear words --It was a rumour (but it probably was true..)Anyways Go Ogle at the actresses whom he has wanted to act/has acted with, if you wanna be even more jobless or else, a better option would be to read my other blog posts.

Las', A Grand Ethos !!

Well, all I can say is this "At last, one of my anagrams has gone down people's throats without leaving a sour taste ! ".

As you may very well have realized, the title is an anagram for something. In one of my previous posts, I had mentioned about posting certain details regarding a "particular something ". Although this is not the right time to talk about it, I will relieve the viewers from going through the agony of figuring it out. It unscrambles to "Golden Shaastra " and the anagram itself, I feel is grammatically correct in a small way. It reads "At last, a grand ethos ". Now the meaning behind this statement is of utmost importance, otherwise the anagram is of no use.

As ethos, by definition is some spirit imbibed in a culture, in this context, the spirit is the 'Spirit of Engineering' with the culture being Shaastra, the annual technical festival of IIT Madras. The year (2008) being the Golden Jubilee year of IITM, it adds significance to Shaastra, making it "Golden Shaastra" and hence, the anagram.

Now this anagram struck me when a Layzee fellow asked me to find an introductory title to one fabled brochure, which forms a very important part of my work for the next 4 months. I started doing the normal stuff-- searching in thesauruses for synonyms of introduction/welcome/greetings and the like. I went to the extent of looking up GRE word lists for such stuff, but finally gave up on them, since none of them satisfied me. In the end, I resorted to what I did best (at least, I claim that) ---creating meaningful anagrams. And Lo ! behold the anagram which becomes the title as soon as it's suggested to this Layzee bugger. It also added the element of thinking out of the box...erm, sorry out of the dice ! Again, full fundaes on this will be put up some time in the future.

Till then, I guess you, my patient reader, will have to wait. But I assure you, it'll be worth the wait (unless, I lose whatever sanity is left in me by that time).

The Chronicles of Fart-nia

Well, I'm back. Sounds cliched, I agree, but let me remind you that I've survived(or at least hope I have) the longest of semesters ever possible at IIT M. 26 credits,Period.

A lot has happened between the last post and the time at which this post will go to the press. Lots of stuff to chronicle and lots of stuff to be censored. And what I am to do in the next few days (and hopefully complete the tasks assigned for myself for the next 3 months) will possible be the most crucial phase of my life at IITM.

Some unique things which I would like to first talk (type) about.

a) Put all nighters for 3 of my 6 end-sems.well this may not be unique but what follows may possibly be. I happened to sleep for half an hour at least in 2 of the three-hour exams that followed. Was woken up thankfully by the invigilators on both the occasions (on one occasion, the invigilator thought that I had put my head down and was in Deep Thought ; pun unintended, and if you didn't understand the pun, get yourself a copy of The HitchHiker's Guide to the Galaxy. You may or may not understand the pun after that, but you'll definitely understand the importance of a towel in the Universe :P)

b)I don't know why I didnt do this, but I DID NOT APPLY for any summer internship programmes(while EVERY person I knew in the institute had applied) during this period except in one case where I accidentally mailed my resume to one of the companies, even though I didn't wish to apply (that's coz I felt that it wouldn't suit my needs. After seeing the kind of people it's taken up for work, I regret it and still feel I could've done a better job and had put the dough to some better use) . I'm wondering yet whether or not I did the most stupidest thing in the world.

c)Got rejected twice after proposing, that too on consecutive days.....Hold it, these weren't marriage proposals, but propoosals to companies regarding Sponsorship for a particular something which I'll describe at an appropriate period of time.

d)Got kicked out of class (well not kicked,that's just for the effect, which I dunnno was effective or not) for sleeping. And the worst is that I went back to ask the prof for attendance at the end of the class, and he gave me since I was honest enough to leave the class. I guess I'm able to feel the situation of the students in my school-days who routinely went through such stuff (except getting their attendance back !) and I think of how much trouble I've got them into. Well, the truth is that half the pranks played in my school had my hand but I was well-hidden due to the "sincere student" tag and the "naughty junta" got caught always.

e)I saw the Lit-Soc shield being presented to Godav Lit-Soc secs and swore that by the end of next year, the same shield shall reside in Jam (oh, yes, I forgot to mention that I was "elected" as the Social Secretary of Jam in between. To those, who do not understand the previous statement, I'm sorry you shall never understand and I wont take the pains of making you understand; unless of cousre, we get the shield to Jam next year ! )

f)Saw a Hostel-Nite marred by 'n' hiccups (well, there were quite a lot who boozed enough to have hiccups too, but rest assured, I was NOT a part of that gang. I stuck to my total teetotaller image and even refused offers of sleeping with someone that night. To clear any confusions, the offer was from a drunk senior and HE was a Male. SO obba, I had to refuse :P). Apart from the hiccups and other cups, it was altogether an almost fitting farewell to an illustrious batch of seniors when the night ended at 5am and the Morning Raga started at 12 am.

g)I saw my plate of Bhel being pounced upoon by a cat, who I guess thought it was chicken (which was imposs, coz I'm pure veg). Maybe the cat had a cold that night or probably it could not think clearly and hence, required 'food for thought'.

h) Yes. I finally made use of the pool in IITM and started to learn swimming the day before this post gets puiblished. Was an amazing experience and a much awaited relief from the Chennai-Heat. One of the local radio stations has somehow managed to get Chennai right with its tagline, "Itha Sammu Hot Machi " aka "This is very very hot, mate". He may probably have referred to the "hit" songs being played but somehow those songs dont 'hit' well on my ears.

i) Finally, I managed to sleep for 11 straight hours in this sem. Don't ask me how, but never before had I slept for so long in IITM. This again may not be unique,but considering the tasks I had to finish that day, no guy (or girl) could have possibly dared to sleep that long. And I seriously thank GOD for somehow saving me that day by getting more than half the work postponed to the next week. And as is usual for a normal fellow in this insti, I hadn't done my work by then either, and put an all nighter to complete that work.

So, I hope you had a not-so-good time going through the life of another abnormal guy, coz if you did have a good time, I'm pretty sure you are abnoral as well.(That's good , join the gang !!) To avail a free copy of my complete chronicles, mail your requests immediately to : paymeforwritingorgetlostdude@nofartsnoarts.co.tv

Moronic Verses

The stage was set in the Caesarian era. To prevent any misunderstandings, although Caesarians do occur even today, the time zone in the Space Time Continuum being referred to is the Caesarian era of Caesar (Julius/Octavius and the like). The exact time was never known since the manuscript on which the following conversation was recorded, was written in aCarbon2 ink and paper . Don’t ask me how, but I guess a suitable answer would be ‘Caesar said so’. Without further delay let the characters be introduced. First up is Monstaradius1, the world renowned astrologer/ practitioner /soothsayer (and in some circles, even a bluffer). If you haven’t heard of him, then you aren’t of Caesarian origin. If you have, then you’re surely bluffing. But yes he was the guy who told Caesar to be wary of the Ides of March and that’s probably why he’s world famous. Next is Einsteinisntagenius, the scholar who thought way ahead of his time, but could not see as far as Monstaradius and to complete the triumvirate, there was Bushius, the local simpleton who always though he owned the world and that he had every right to invade everything in his vicinity, including Caesar’s bathroom, in search of chemicals of Moss destruction but was pardoned since he was an idiot. And this is how they talked the talk:
M: I doth see dark times ahead for mankind,
but there’s so much light that maketh me blind,
E: So what do you see ,thy ghouliness?
M: I don’t see much, since I told thou that I was blinded. But yes, I did see something. Footprints!
B: You mean Footprints in the sands of time?
M: Thou shalt not insult my profession Bushius. These footprints are way ahead in time.
E: You mean Carbon2 footprints?
M: Aye, aye! And there are loads of those out there. These lead me to the place where I saw the blinding light. I think they lead to Armageddon.
B: And what do you see after that, my fellow countryman?
M: Thou art increasing my anger Bushius. Beware. I have told you that the light was blinding me and I couldn’t see.
B: Aye. But for zeus’ sake will someone tell what do these carbon footprints mean and how they lead to this place called Arma-the-gun?
E: Why doth thou have an obsession with guns, Bushius? Anyway, “Carbon footprints” is going to be defined as the measure of impact of human activities in terms of the amount of greenhouse gases produced, therefore increasing global warming
M: Precisement.
B: Well, but why the Erebus will they call it footprints when everything is... well, so abstract?
M: Remember that what we speaketh of is way ahead in time. So probably it would make sense to them and not to us.
E: Well. According to my improbability-fartistic calculations, less than 0.0I per C will understand what it means then. So they could remain abstract even then.
B: Okay, forget the abstract part. What art those greenhouse gases and how do they increase global warming? I mean, is it related to some human activities because of which lots of gases are emitted?
E: Well, yes, but...not in the way you see it Bushius. Now that you talk of it, I shalt get back to you, regarding how green thise gases you talketh about are.
B: Okay, you mean to say that what future lineage is going to do is going to make this world a hotter place to live in? Cool mate .
E: Now, why doth thou say that it’s cool when it’s going to get extremely warm out there?
B: It’ll atleast help us to get our water baths get warmer quickly and wow, I love water baths.
M: Bushius, remember that life isn’t just about water baths. There are also other things in life top worry about.
B: Like what?
M: Well, I knoweth not. But I see this in the future that people will face lots of problems.
E: Now, statistically speaking, that will be true.
M: Yes, even more so because a guy called Al Gore/El Gore/El Bore or some whore gets a prize for pointing this out.
E: You mean the El Bore guy gets a laurel wreath for just pointing this out?
M: Yes and also got applauded for pointing out that one Ms.Porky Hicton’s* semi-nudity was also adding to the warming of the earth.
B: Wow, I wish that I would be alive then to watch her. But coming to talk the serious talk, how can we cut down on this hot affair?
E: Plant trees.
B: But we doth have loads of them.
M: Aye, but they won’t have the same canopy Bushius.
B: Ok, we do plant trees. But how, when, where and why?
E: Well, how is very easy and hence I won’t answer it. When? Whenever thou doth feeleth unhappy about the situation or you maketh mankind unhappy. Where? Obviously where there is no tree and why? Because according to me, they stop these greenhouse gases from going out; I don’t know why but probably since they’ll be green, the gases will be taken up by the trees.
M: Now, isn’t that cool?
B: OH, I think I got the idea. So whenever I see that El Bore upset and orating about the Helitonising3 of earth, I, or rather, my lineage should plant a tree. Whenever I go on a chariot to a palaestra## or my successors go on a chariot driven by the burning of wood# and someone shouts about it, I’ll slap him and yes, plant a tree.
M: Yes. Trees are our only hope, apart from the boy with the lightning scar and a wand (again made of wood!)
B: So, now that we doth know the plan, why not form a Humanity4 to solve this problem?

A FEW DAYS LATER:
B: I being the leader, propose to stand on the pulpit and speak:”Friends, Romans, War-mongers. I come to you not to speak about global warming, since it’s already a hot topic for discussion. I come to seek your support to eliminate it. There’s only one possible solution to this. We, our Humanity, have been looking deeply into this matter, in a very deep way. And the problem, we have found out, lies in Nature. We need Nature to cooperate with us. If not, we will make Nature cooperate with us...
The remaining part of the speech was drowned in applause by the fickle-minded Romans. The rest, as they say, is History.

*-->Name changed to protect identity
1--> Monstaradius saw that in the future, he would be reborn as Nostradamus and become very famous. So, he made his name from an anagram of ‘I, Nostradamus’.
2--> Carbon : This was named after the Roman God Of Non-Existence, whose probability of existing tends to zero.
3-->Helitonising: tons of Helios-> tons of suns warming up the earth. Also, due to the degradation of hearing, in future years, came to be associated with one Ms. Hilton, who was also related to the word ‘hot’ in some way.
4-->Humanity : comes from a mix of hum (the humming sound) and unity when the Romans realized that all that happens in a committee is the same, why not shorten the name and make it look more humble and broad.
#-->proof that the secret of engine powered vehicles was already known to them but they were lazy to make such a thing.
##-->gym in olden, golden words

Sleeping by Books on a Rainy evening

Well, these verses were created (some may even call it re-created) in a weather which induces more sleep than mugging habits. And if u liked the lines below, it could well go on to prove that Quizzes too can be inspiring.

"" The books are heavy and piled in a heap,
But I also have my grades to reap,
And lots to mug before I sleep,
And lots to mug before I sleep ! "

I just hope that my quizzes go well, or else..........God save me !

Extra "Rural" Lecture

Today, I happened to attend one of the EMLs (Extra Mural Lectures for the uninitiated) organized by the EML team. Well, let me start with a little intro for those who have never attended one (and for those who have, I'll request you to be a bit patient and continue reading). These are not the conventional lectures you would find in classes, but are intended to create an environment for unwinding people's thoughts and thought processing. Note that I said "intended" since in some cases, you'll sleep through some of them; in fact I almost slept through today's EML , despite sitting in the second row from the speaker. And yeah, with reference to what theme the speaker is addressing, it could be ranging anywhere between things related to Indian history or some personal issues which the distinguished speaker might have addressed/is addressing/has experienced.The speakers are usually well distinguished fellows and hence, it's a kind of rare chance to interact with them and if possible pull them down (Ref : Medha Patkar in of the EMLs in 2006). Well, so coming back to the point of today's EML, the speaker was none other than PV Indiresan, an ex-director of IIT Madras. (A very reputed personality but who is also kinda 'infamous'. For more references, you can Go Ogle about it).
The lecture started off on a light note with him referring to how fast IIT is growing and then pointed to the wall clock which was 10 minutes ahead of time (and that's one of the very few things which I was happy about this lecture). He then went on to ask how many off us wanted to be rich, how we plan to be rich and all that fart. Then he came to his point . Oh yeah, I forgot to mention earlier, the topic of his lecture was "Economic Growth and Social Justice". Well, he himself told that he may not stick to the topic and I never expected him to stick to his word except for a while when he was showing us snapshots of "reality" ; not all the idiotic 'reality' shows which frequent our TV screens more frequently than the Saas-Bahu types(I wish I could ban both of them, sadly both are "hits" and boost the Totally Random Paagalpans aka TRPs), but depicting the pitiable conditions of a huge strata of our society and what we are doing..... sorry , not doing to resolve them. I was sleeping through most of this part coz I had done much more than what he had shown me under my Humanities Prof. last sem and I didnt want him to repeat that with statistics whose correctness I'm still unsure of. Well, I was woken up by my friend sitting next to me (he accidentally placed his foot on mine !)and by that time he was trying to distinguish pleasure and happiness ; so I continued staying awake till the end of the lecture. Then there was the usual question and answer(s) session for about 15 min.Now, this is where I got psyched out. To every question he posed, he would just say "THINK" at the end of the slide. And to every question posed to him by us, I don't think anyone could make out a definitve answer from his words.I guess despite leaving the institute, the vague-answers-to-questions-asked-by-students-syndrome hasn't left him yet.I agree with him in urging us to think, but couldn't he have tried much more motivational methods ? If all he wanted us to do was think, I would have been happily playing cricket in my hostel or probably preparing ("thinking" )for my upcoming quizzes. I was expecting something new from this lecture, something "extra", but alas, in my viewpoint what I got "extra" was just the time spent in some air-conditioned hall (and the nearest possible view of the Dean's A**). The funny part was that a fellow had asked him whether our population seems to be a hindrance in economic growth to which he cited examples of cities in Holland,Britain,etc. telling him that we can still be prosperous despite high pop. density and he almost contradicted himself in the next question posed to him to which he cited models of cities with smaller populations and how they should be followed to decentralize populations in big cities. Duh !!!
I would end with some points which I found encompassing the lecture. Firstly, he tried his best to keep the mood light-hearted for which I appreciate him. Secondly, it was supposed to be an "extra Mural lecture" and not an "extra Rural lecture" which was it turned out to be and hence, was not greatly informative to me. And lastly,if you ever want to make a person think to yield something constructive, show him at least a path to follow among his current options so that he can be concerned ,compassionate, comprehensive,capable to carry out the task he set forth for ; which, in my opinion , Mr. Indiresan was hinting at but couldn't make it very clear.

That's all folks ! Any cribs can be directed to dudegetlost[at]noreplies.com

Every Quote has a "Shiny" lining

"We're back on the top " remarked a freshie to me, to which Shiny, our Soc-Sec responded "What ? In Tech-Soc ? " :)

Points to be noted :
1. The freshie was talking about Arse-nal getting back to the top of EPL(momentarily) and putting a big attempt to nullify Manchester United's glory, which he obviously failed to do so.
2. Jam winning (or even leading) Tech-Soc is like Tapti/Narmad winning Schroeter ----> Zero Scope for next two years.
3. Shiny is the Bulb-God. So he is our eternal provider of such eternal quotes.